There can be light when the tunnel appears very dark.
This was written and inspired after I had prayed.
This is a Lazarus story of its own
I have had an eating disorder since 14. I am 51 now which was largely caused by sin in the world and my personality which was very driven. I am a Christian and have been pretty much all my life. I am not perfect, but I do try and I love my faith. I haven’t been a perfect church attender all my life due to illness largely, but the last number of years I have been going to church regularly since I was discharged from treatment for anorexia.
My situation was adversely affected by COVID and unfortunately too many people with eating disorders were also adversely affected during this period as well. My dream voluntary job became suspended for several years in the NHS, National Health Service.
I had several medical conditions as well and my eating disorder was determined as severe and enduring pretty much last stage.
The decision was reached and I entered end stage treatment. It was expected that I would not get out. Family visited me and cried by my bedside and I couldn’t get myself up and was lifted by hoists. I fell into a sleep and wasn’t expected to awake. Family were called that I am within hours. Flowers were given and said to symbolise that I am passing over and my dad discarded the gesture. I was without breathes and my dad does a better recount on this than me.
Members of several church communities were praying for me at the same time and people. This was intercessory prayer for others working at its most potent.
My BMI was well beyond life threatening.
Something happened in that third week and what I can tell you. I do not know for I was sleeping but an intervention from others had a part to play for sure, I woke up again and later was discharged to a medical hospital, Queen’s hospital in Romford.
Now I am going to cut to today. It has been an up down ride and you know it is not perfect today and my faith is stronger.
Now who would have thought this and this is why I am posting. Now that position I wanted has become available again in my area two years on as a hospital Chaplain volunteer and I haven’t been for the interview. I have been discharged from the eating disorders outpatient team back to GP management again. I am giving this a go now. The interview has not been done, but still it is incredible that I am going back to that when I was not expected to leave that place.
I have thought about the damage it did to me. My case is not the first case I have heard of people with eating disorders leaving end stage treatment as not right for them.
I did think when I needed a neighbour Jesus was there, but I was still sleeping. He didn’t visit in person, but was involved I think. It wouldn’t surprise me though somehow and being supported by the breathe of God's Holy Spirit against my own failing one via my nostrils or mouth-The breath and wind of God's Holy Spirit. None of it was my own doing. My spirit has told me later that the Holy Spirit is capable of reviving you and rescuiating you- the word "live" the Bible tells us can awaken you.
Ezekiel 37- Thus saith the Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live.
God is doing his role as a righteous father and always has been and everything he has done is always good.
I arrived home after Queen's hospital and the expectation for me moved to emcopass more of a quality of life approach which is self led and was confirmed through a meeting with a rector at church and my eating disorders team.
I don’t know why, it wasn’t my time obviously and God is my provider and I have had several eating disorder admissions in my lifetime and have gone through this. On ending this, I would say try not to worry about milestones too much, they will pass and I am saying this as historically they have concerned me too much. May be this is me now becoming a new creation, an old me is fading out and a new me is coming- (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I wish you all well.
Thanks be to God
Edited to add: 30th April 2025
Just to let you know I have been accepted as a hospital Chaplain volunteer my dream voluntary job and have started training and look forward to starting work and today I am soaring high and my parents are happy with my progress.
Me, shortly after leaving end of life care and being seen in outpatients in 2023
